Interrupted Service

(Photo: The Peace Corps Chad evacuation class of 2006 in Yaounde, Cameroon)

Frustrated, exhausted, relieved, guilty, thankful, confused, empty... go ahead, ask me how I’m feeling right now.
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It’s strange to think you have something figured out, a ‘plan’, and then to have it all thrown out the window.
It’s strange to simply walk away from someone in the middle of a conversation.
It’s strange to feel like you’ve taken advantage of someone even though you really never meant to (who can really bear saying the words ‘it’s not my fault’).
It’s strange to be forced to look at yourself, to have that invisible force field of privilege suddenly exposed (how embarassing), and to have to exit the stage sheepishly.
It’s strange to be shown a ‘life menu’ and from that menu you have to pick whether you’ll be flying to Cameroon, Benin, or Nyack (you can tell the waiter you need a few minutes if you’re not entirely sure which one to choose).
It’s strange to ask yourself if the last seven months of your life actually happened.
It’s strange to feel cold.
It’s strange to be browsing the internet searching for a ‘summer internship’.

Ask me how I’m feeling... I’m feeling strange.
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The Peace Corps program in Chad was suspended on April 14, 2006. The 29 current volunteers were emergency evacuated (it wasn’t quite as dramatic or as exciting on the ground, as it sounds in words), and were all taken directly to the capital of Cameroon, Yaounde, for a ‘transitional conference’.
At this conference we were given a few options. With my back pushed entirely against the wall, I decided the ‘right’ thing for me to do (for me) was to take the plane ticket being waved in front of my face, and to come home. On April 22, 2006 I completed my service with the Peace Corps with a note of ‘interrupted service’. I have the option to directly re-enroll into a new program for the next two years. On April 23, 2006 I landed at Newark Liberty Airport in New Jersey.

So I now find myself sitting at my computer in Nyack, feeling strange (how ironic). And of course, I keep asking myself the unoriginal question of ‘what now?’
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I sat down a little while ago to write the final posting for ‘Livin Large in Chad’, but I now realize I’m not ready to do that. More than anything, I’d like to be able to create some sort of closure for this little episode of my life, but I’m not yet sure how that’s to be done. I’ll be thinking real hard, and I’ll be sure to notify you when I get some idea.

I’m home in Nyack, safe and sound (I honestly never felt otherwise). It’s great to be with my parents and dogs. It’s great to sleep on a real matress. I’ll continue to try to process what just happened in my life, and what that means for the rest of my life.

My first meal back was a big plate of chicken parmigiana, with a side of linguini.

In hot pursuit of ‘what now’,
Zach